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A cikin shekaru 10-12, yaron ya daina jin mu. Sau da yawa ba mu san abin da yake so ba, abin da yake yi, abin da yake tunani a kai - kuma muna jin tsoron rasa alamun ƙararrawa. Me ya hana ku tuntuɓar ku?
1. Akwai canje-canje a matakin ilimin lissafi
Duk da cewa gaba daya kwakwalwa tana samuwa ne da shekaru 12, wannan tsari yana cika gaba daya bayan ashirin. A lokaci guda kuma, lobes na gaba na cortex, sassan kwakwalwa da ke sarrafa abubuwan da muke sha'awar kuma suna da alhakin ikon yin shiri don gaba, suna ci gaba da bunkasa mafi tsawo.
Amma kawai daga shekaru 12, glandan jima'i suna "kunna" rayayye. A sakamakon haka, matashin ba zai iya sarrafa motsin motsin zuciyar da ke haifar da guguwa na hormonal ba, masanin ilimin kwakwalwa David Servan-Screiber ya yi jayayya a cikin littafin "Jiki yana son Gaskiya"1.
2. Mu kanmu muna kara tsananta matsalolin sadarwa.
Sadarwa tare da matashi, mun kamu da ruhun sabani. "Amma yaron yana neman kansa ne kawai, yana motsa jiki, kuma mahaifinsa, alal misali, ya riga ya yi yaƙi da gaske, yana amfani da duk ƙarfin kwarewarsa da ƙarfinsa," in ji masanin ilimin halin dan Adam Svetlana Krivtsova.
Misali na baya shine lokacin da, ƙoƙarin kare yaro daga kurakurai, iyaye suna ba da kwarewar kuruciyarsu a kansa. Duk da haka, kawai gwaninta akan kanta zai iya taimakawa ci gaba.
3. Muna son mu yi masa aikinsa.
“Yarinyar tana lafiya. Yana buƙatar haɓaka "I", don gane da kuma yarda da iyakokinsa. Kuma iyayensa suna so su yi masa wannan aikin,” in ji Svetlana Krivtsova.
Tabbas matashin yana adawa dashi. Ƙari ga haka, a yau iyaye suna watsa wa yaron saƙon da ba za su iya cikawa ba: “Ku yi farin ciki! Nemo wani abu da kuke so!» Amma har yanzu ba zai iya yin wannan ba, a gare shi wannan aiki ne mai wuyar gaske, masanin ilimin likitancin ya yi imani.
4. Muna karkashin tatsuniya cewa matasa suna watsi da manya.
Wani bincike da masana ilimin halayyar dan adam a Jami'ar Illinois (Amurka) ya nuna cewa matasa ba wai kawai suna adawa da kulawar iyaye ba, amma, akasin haka, suna godiya sosai.2. Tambayar ita ce ta yaya za mu nuna wannan kulawa.
“Yana da mahimmanci mu fahimci abin da ke damun su kafin jefa duk jami’an koyarwa kan abin da ke damun mu. Kuma ƙarin haƙuri da ƙauna,” in ji David Servan-Screiber.
1 D. Servan-Screiber "Jiki yana son gaskiya" (Ripol classic, 2014).
2 J. Caughlin, R. Malis "Buƙatar / Janye Sadarwa Tsakanin Iyaye Da Matasa: Haɗin Kai Tare da Girman Kai da Amfani da Abu, Jaridar Social & Personal Relationships, 2004.