A cikin ƙananan allurai, rashin amana yana kiyaye ku daga jin kunya. Koyaya, idan ya fara mamaye alaƙa, muna haɗarin ware daga kowa. Nasihar ƙwararru kan yadda za a dawo da amana da amincewa.
"Ba za ku yaudare ni ba? Har yaushe zai taimake ni?” Rashin amana wani shiri ne mara daɗi na barazanar waje, wato, wani abu da muke tunanin zai iya cutar da shi.
Maura Amelia Bonanno, kwararre a fannin nazarin al'adu ya ce: "Muna magana ne game da halayen da sau da yawa ba su dace da halin da ake ciki ba kuma zai iya toshe mu, gurgunta mu, hana mu rayuwa cikakke." - Mutumin da ba shi da amana ya ƙare yana tambayar mai kyau don kada ya yi magana da duniya. Ban da haka, yana cike da son zuciya.”
A ina aka haifi rashin amana kuma me yasa?
Tushen a yara
Masanin ilimin halin dan Adam na Amurka Eric Erickson ne ya ba da amsar, wanda a farkon shekarun 1950 ya gabatar da ra'ayoyin "ainihin amana" da "rashin amincewa" don bayyana lokacin ci gaban ɗan adam daga haihuwa zuwa shekaru biyu. A wannan lokacin, yaron yana ƙoƙari ya ƙayyade yadda yake jin ƙauna da karɓa.
"An riga an kafa bangaskiya da rashin amincewa a farkon yara kuma sun dogara ne akan ingancin dangantaka da uwa fiye da adadin bayyanar da ƙauna," in ji Francesco Belo, Jungian psychoanalyst.
Rashin amincewa da wani yana nufin rashin amincewa da kanka
A cewar Erickson, haɗuwa da abubuwa biyu za su taimaka wajen sanya amana ga uwa a cikin yara: hankali ga bukatun yaro da amincewa da kai a matsayin iyaye.
“Mahaifiyata tana yawan neman taimako daga abokanta, ko don su taimaka a gida ko kuma su taimake ni,” in ji Maria ’yar shekara 34. "Wannan shakkun kai daga ƙarshe ya shige gare ni kuma ya rikiɗe zuwa abin mamaki."
Babban abu shine jin cewa ana ƙaunar ku, don haka imani da kanku yana girma kuma a nan gaba ya zama ikon shawo kan matsalolin rayuwa da rashin jin daɗi. Sabanin haka, idan yaron ya ji ƙananan ƙauna, rashin amincewa da duniya, wanda ba shi da tabbas, zai yi nasara.
Rashin yarda da kai
Abokin aiki da ke yin zamba, abokin da ke zagin karimci, ƙaunataccen wanda ya ci amana… Mutane masu rashin amana suna da "hanyar ra'ayi na dangantaka," in ji Belo. Suna tsammanin da yawa daga wasu kuma suna ganin ƙaramin rashin daidaituwa da gaskiyarsu azaman cin amana.
A wasu lokuta, wannan jin yana juya zuwa paranoia ("Kowa yana so in cutar da ni"), kuma wani lokaci yana haifar da cynicism ("Tsohon na ya bar ni ba tare da wani bayani ba, saboda haka, dukan maza matsorata ne da 'yan iska").
Belo ya kara da cewa "Don fara dangantaka da wani shine yin kasada." "Kuma wannan yana yiwuwa ne kawai ga waɗanda ke da kwarin gwiwa a cikin kansu kada su ji daɗi idan an yaudare su." Rashin amincewa ga wani sau da yawa yana nufin rashin amincewa da kanka.
Iyakance hangen nesa na gaskiya
“Tsoro da rashin amana su ne manyan jigogin al’ummar wannan zamani, kuma dukkan mu, a zaune a gida, muna kallon hakikanin duniya ta taga ba mu cika shiga cikin rayuwa ba, muna da dabi’ar zage-zage game da ita kuma mun tabbata akwai makiya a kusa da su. ,” in ji Bonanno. "Dalilin duk wani rashin jin daɗi na tunani shine damuwa ta tunani na ciki."
Domin aƙalla wasu canje-canje su faru, ana buƙatar bangaskiya makaho cewa a kowane hali za a warware duk abin da ya fi dacewa kuma a ƙarshe komai zai yi kyau.
Menene ma'anar samun amana da amincewar kai? "Yana nufin fahimtar abin da ainihin yanayinmu yake da kuma fahimtar cewa an haifi amincewa ne kawai a cikin kanmu," in ji masanin.
Me za a yi da rashin yarda
1. Komawa ga tushen. Rashin amincewa da wasu galibi ana danganta shi da abubuwan rayuwa masu raɗaɗi. Da zarar kun gano menene ƙwarewar, za ku zama masu jurewa da sassauƙa.
2. Ka yi ƙoƙarin kada a yi gabaɗaya. Ba duka maza ne ke tunanin jima'i ba, ba duk mata ne ke sha'awar kuɗi kawai ba, kuma ba duk shugabanni ne azzalumai ba. Ka rabu da son zuciya kuma ka ba wa sauran mutane dama.
3. Yi godiya da kwarewa masu kyau. Lallai kun hadu da masu gaskiya, ba kawai mayaudari da 'yan iska ba. Ka tuna da kyakkyawar gogewar rayuwarka, ba a yanke ka zuwa matsayin wanda aka azabtar ba.
4. Koyi bayani. Shin wanda ya ci amanar mu ya san irin cutarwar da ya yi? Yi ƙoƙarin fahimtar hujjar ku kuma. A kowace dangantaka, ana samun amana ta hanyar tattaunawa.
5.Kada ku wuce gona da iri. Ba kwa buƙatar nuna wa kowa yadda abin dogara da amincin ku da kanku suke: ƙaramar ƙarya - kuma yanzu kun riga kun zama manufa ga wanda ba shi da kirki. A gefe guda kuma, ba daidai ba ne ka yi watsi da tunaninka, ka kasance kamar ba abin da ya faru ba kuma ƙiyayya ga dukan bil'adama ba ta haifar da ciki a cikinka ba. Yadda za a zama? Magana!
Yi magana game da yadda kuke ji kuma ku tambayi game da baƙi, misali: "Ba na so in ɓata muku rai, gaya mani yadda kuke jin kanku." Kuma kada ku manta cewa irin wannan abu yana faruwa ga mutane da yawa kamar ku, kuma yana da kyau ku tunatar da su cewa kuna iya fahimtar su, amma ba ku wuce gona da iri ba.