"Ni mai hasara ne", "Ban taɓa samun dangantaka ta yau da kullun", "Zan sake yin rashin nasara". Ko da mutane masu dogaro da kansu, a'a, a'a, a, kuma suna kama kansu da irin wannan tunanin. Yadda za a yi sauri da inganci kalubalanci ra'ayoyin ku game da kanku? Masanin ilimin halin dan Adam Robert Leahy yana ba da kayan aiki mai sauƙi amma mai ƙarfi.
Menene zai taimake ka ka jimre da motsin rai mai raɗaɗi kuma ka cimma burinka? Me game da binciken tsarin tunani na sirri fa? Duk waɗannan ana koyar da su ta hanyar sabon tantanin halitta ta wani masanin ilimin halayyar ɗan adam, shugaban Cibiyar Nazarin Fahimtar Farko ta Amurka Robert Leahy. Littafin «Techniques of Cognitive Psychotherapy» aka yi nufi ga psychologists da dalibai na m jami'o'i da m aiki tare da abokan ciniki, amma wadanda ba kwararru kuma iya amfani da wani abu. Alal misali, fasaha, wanda marubucin ya kira «180 Degree Turn - Confirmation of the Negative», an gabatar a cikin littafin a matsayin aikin gida ga abokin ciniki.
Yana da wuya a gare mu mu yarda da ajizancinmu, mu mai da hankali, mu “ rataya” kan kurakuran namu, muna yin babban yanke shawara game da kanmu daga gare su. Amma ko shakka babu kowannenmu yana da aibu.
“Dukkanmu muna da halaye ko halayen da muke ɗauka a matsayin mara kyau. Irin wannan dabi'ar mutum ce. Daga cikin sanannunmu babu wani mutum mai kyau, don haka ƙoƙari don kammala shine kawai rashin gaskiya, mai ilimin halin dan Adam yana tsammanin aikinsa. — Bari mu ga abin da kuke sukar kanku da shi, abin da ba ku so game da kanku. Yi tunanin halaye mara kyau. Sa'an nan kuma ka yi tunanin yadda zai kasance idan ka gane su a matsayin abin da ya cancanta. Kuna iya ɗaukar shi kamar wani ɓangare na kanku - mutum ajizi wanda rayuwarsa ke cike da damuwa.
Yi la'akari da wannan fasaha ba a matsayin makamin zargi ba, amma a matsayin kayan aiki don ganewa, tausayi da fahimtar kai.
Leahy sai ta gayyaci mai karatu ya yi tunanin cewa yana da wasu halaye marasa kyau. Misali, cewa shi mai hasara ne, bare, mahaukaci, mummuna. Bari mu ce kuna tunanin cewa wani lokacin kai mai yawan tattaunawa ne mai ban sha'awa. Maimakon fada da shi, me zai hana a karba? "Eh, zan iya zama mai ban sha'awa ga wasu, amma akwai abubuwa masu ban sha'awa da yawa a rayuwata."
Don yin wannan, yi amfani da tebur, wanda marubucin ya kira wannan: "Ta yaya zan jimre idan ya zama cewa ina da halaye marasa kyau."
A cikin ginshiƙin hagu, rubuta abin da kuke tunani game da halayenku da halayenku. A cikin ginshiƙi na tsakiya, lura idan akwai wata gaskiya a cikin waɗannan tunanin. A cikin ginshiƙi na dama, jera dalilan da ya sa waɗannan halaye da halayen har yanzu ba su da matsala a gare ku - bayan haka, kuna da wasu halaye da yawa kuma kuna iya yin ayyuka daban-daban.
Kuna iya fuskantar matsaloli yayin aikin cikawa. Wasu mutane suna tunanin cewa yarda da halayenmu marasa kyau yana daidai da zargi da kai, kuma teburin da aka kammala zai zama tabbataccen tabbaci cewa muna tunanin kanmu a hanya mara kyau. Amma yana da kyau mu tuna cewa mu ajizai ne kuma kowa yana da halaye marasa kyau.
Kuma wani abu guda: kula da wannan fasaha ba a matsayin makamin zargi ba, amma a matsayin kayan aiki don ganewa, tausayi da fahimtar kai. Hakika, sa’ad da muke ƙaunar yaro, muna gane kuma mu yarda da kasawarsa. Mu, aƙalla na ɗan lokaci, mu zama irin wannan yaro ga kanmu. Lokaci ya yi da za ku kula da kanku.
Tushen: Robert Leahy "Hanyoyin Farfaɗo Lafiyar Halitta" (Bitrus, 2020).