Komai farin ciki da wadatar dangantakar ku, rashin jituwa, husuma da husuma babu makawa. Kowane mutum yana fama da fushi da sauran motsin rai a wasu lokuta, don haka ko da a cikin mafi kyawun dangantaka, rikice-rikice suna tasowa. Babban abu shine a koyi yadda ake yin jayayya daidai.
Matsalolin dangantaka na dabi'a ne, amma don kada su halakar da ma'auratanku, kuna buƙatar koyon ingantaccen sadarwa da kuma hanyoyin "masu wayo" don yin jayayya. Me yasa har ma'auratan farin ciki suke fada? A cikin kowane dangantaka, abokin tarayya zai iya jin haushi, jin tsoro, ko kawai ba a cikin yanayi ba. Ana iya samun rashin jituwa mai tsanani. Duk wannan yana haifar da husuma da husuma cikin sauƙi.
Sakamakon haka, har ma a cikin ma'auratan da suka yi nasara, abokan tarayya sun fara zama kamar yara masu ban sha'awa, a fusace suna buga kofofin majalisar, suna buga ƙafafunsu, suna murza idanu suna kururuwa. Sau da yawa sukan kwanta kawai, suna ƙin juna. Idan hakan ya faru lokaci-lokaci a cikin dangin ku, wannan ba dalili bane na firgita. Kada ku yi tunanin cewa a cikin iyalai masu farin ciki, ma'aurata ba sa yin abin kunya ko kuma ba su da damuwa.
Sa'a, ba dole ba ne ka zama cikakke don tabbatar da aure. Halin yin jayayya yana cikin mu ta hanyar juyin halitta. “Kwaƙwalwar ɗan adam ta fi dacewa da faɗa fiye da soyayya. Don haka yana da kyau ma'aurata kada su nisanci sabani da sabani. Ba a buƙatar murkushe mummunan motsin zuciyarmu, yana da kyau a koyi yadda ake yin jayayya da kyau, "in ji Stan Tatkin masanin ilimin iyali. Wannan fasaha tana banbance husuma tsakanin ma'aurata masu farin ciki da husuma a cikin ma'aurata marasa aiki.
Dokoki don nunawa mai ma'ana
- ku tuna cewa a dabi'a an saita kwakwalwa don rikici;
- koyi karanta yanayin abokin tarayya ta fuskar fuska da harshen jiki;
- idan kun ga cewa abokin tarayya yana jin haushi game da wani abu, yi ƙoƙari ku taimaka, ku yi ƙoƙari ku kasance masu buɗe ido da abokantaka;
- gardama fuska da fuska kawai, suna kallon idanun juna;
- kar a taɓa warware abubuwa ta waya, ta wasiƙa ko a cikin mota;
- kar ku manta cewa burin shine ku ci nasara a gare ku duka.
Wani fasali na jayayya na "daidai" shine rabo na abubuwa masu kyau da marasa kyau na rikici. Binciken da masanin ilimin halayyar dan adam John Gottman ya yi ya nuna cewa a cikin kwanciyar hankali da kwanciyar hankali a aure yayin rikici, rabon tabbatacce zuwa mara kyau shine kusan 5 zuwa 1, kuma a cikin ma'aurata marasa kwanciyar hankali - 8 zuwa 1.
Abubuwa masu kyau na rikici
Anan akwai wasu shawarwari daga Dr. Gottman don taimaka muku juya gardama zuwa kyakkyawar alkibla:
- idan tattaunawar ta yi barazanar rikidewa zuwa rikici, yi kokarin zama mai laushi kamar yadda zai yiwu;
- kar a manta da barkwanci. Wasan da ya dace zai taimaka wajen rage yanayin;
- kayi kokarin kwantar da hankalinka da kwantar da hankalin abokin zamanka;
- kayi kokari kayi sulhu ka tafi wajen abokin zamanka idan yayi sallama;
- a shirya don yin sulhu;
- idan kun cuci junanku yayin fada, ku tattauna.
Wannan ita ce amsar tambayar me yasa hatta ma'auratan farin ciki a wasu lokutan suna rigima. A dabi'ance husuma takan tashi a cikin kowace dangantaka ta kud da kud. Burin ku ba shine ƙoƙarin guje wa badaƙala ko ta halin kaka ba, amma don koyon yadda ake warware abubuwa daidai. Rikicin da aka warware sosai zai iya kusantar da ku kuma ya koya muku fahimtar juna.