A ji yana nufin samun amincewa da keɓantacce, tabbatar da wanzuwar mutum. Wataƙila wannan shine mafi yawan sha'awar kwanakin nan - amma a lokaci guda ya fi haɗari. Yaya za a tabbatar da cewa za a iya jin mu a cikin hayaniyar da ke kewaye? Yadda za a yi magana «ga gaske»?
Ba mu taɓa yin magana, magana, rubuta da yawa ba. Gabaɗaya, don jayayya ko ba da shawara, yin Allah wadai ko haɗa kai, da ɗaiɗaiku don bayyana halayensu, buƙatu da sha'awarsu. Amma akwai jin cewa da gaske ana jin mu? Ba koyaushe ba.
Akwai bambanci tsakanin abin da muke tsammanin muna faɗi da abin da muke faɗa a zahiri; tsakanin abin da dayan ya ji da abin da muke tsammanin ya ji. Bugu da kari, a al'adar zamani, inda gabatar da kai na daya daga cikin muhimman ayyuka, kuma saurin wani sabon salon alaka, ba a ko da yaushe ake son yin magana don gina gada tsakanin mutane.
A yau muna daraja ɗabi'a kuma muna ƙara sha'awar kanmu, muna duban kanmu sosai. "Daya daga cikin sakamakon irin wannan kulawa shi ne cewa wani muhimmin bangare na al'umma ya sa a farko bukatar bayyana kanta don tauye iyawar fahimta," in ji Gestalt therapist Mikhail Kryakhtunov.
Ana iya kiran mu al'ummar masu magana da ba mai saurare.
Saƙonni zuwa babu inda
Sabbin fasaha suna kawo "I" a gaba. Hanyoyin sadarwar zamantakewa suna gaya wa kowa yadda muke rayuwa, abin da muke tunani, inda muke da abin da muke ci. "Amma waɗannan maganganu ne a cikin yanayin magana ɗaya, magana da ba a yi magana da kowa ba," in ji Inna Khamitova, masanin ilimin halin dan Adam na tsarin iyali. "Wataƙila wannan wata hanya ce ga mutane masu jin kunya waɗanda ke matukar tsoron ra'ayi mara kyau a cikin ainihin duniya."
Suna samun damar bayyana ra'ayoyinsu da kuma tabbatar da kansu, amma a lokaci guda suna kasadar kiyaye tsoronsu da yin makale a sararin samaniya.
A cikin gidajen tarihi da kuma bayan abubuwan gani, kowa yana ɗaukar selfie - da alama babu wanda ke kallon juna, ko kuma waɗanda suka yi fice a wannan wurin. Adadin saƙon-hoton ya ninka adadin waɗanda za su iya gane su.
"A cikin sararin samaniya, akwai yalwar abin da aka zuba jari, sabanin abin da aka dauka," in ji Mikhail Kryakhtunov. "Kowannenmu yana ƙoƙari ya bayyana kanmu, amma a ƙarshe yana haifar da kaɗaici."
Abokan hulɗarmu suna ƙara sauri kuma, saboda wannan kadai, ba su da zurfi.
Watsa wani abu game da kanmu, ba mu sani ba idan akwai wani a ɗayan ƙarshen waya. Ba ma saduwa da amsa kuma mu zama marasa ganuwa a gaban kowa. Amma ba daidai ba ne a zargi hanyoyin sadarwa da komai. Mikhail Kryakhtunov ya ce: “Idan da ba mu da bukatarsu, da ba za su bayyana ba. Godiya gare su, za mu iya musayar saƙonni a kowane lokaci. Amma abokan hulɗarmu suna ƙara sauri kuma, saboda wannan kadai, ba su da zurfi. Kuma wannan ya shafi ba kawai ga tattaunawar kasuwanci ba, inda daidaito ya zo da farko, ba haɗin kai ba.
Muna danna maɓallin "wave" ba tare da fahimtar wanda muke yi wa hannu ba da kuma wanda ke juya baya. Laburaren Emoji suna ba da hotuna don kowane lokaci. Smiley - fun, wani murmushi - bakin ciki, folded hannaye: "Ina yi muku addu'a." Hakanan akwai shirye-shiryen jumla don daidaitattun amsoshi. “Don rubuta “Ina son ku”, kawai kuna buƙatar danna maɓallin sau ɗaya, ba kwa buƙatar rubuta wasiƙa da wasiƙa, in ji masanin ilimin Gestalt. "Amma kalmomin da ba su buƙatar tunani ko ƙoƙari ba su da daraja, sun rasa ma'anar su." Shin, ba shine dalilin da ya sa muke ƙoƙarin ƙarfafa su ba, muna ƙara musu «sosai», «gaskiya», «gaskiya masu gaskiya» da makamantansu? Suna jadada sha'awarmu na isar da tunaninmu da motsin zuciyarmu ga wasu - amma kuma rashin tabbas cewa hakan zai yi nasara.
yanke sarari
Posts, imel, saƙonnin rubutu, tweets suna nisantar da mu daga wani mutum da jikinsu, motsin zuciyar su da motsin zuciyarmu.
Inna Khamitova ta ce: "Saboda yadda sadarwa ke faruwa ta na'urorin da ke taka rawar tsaka-tsaki tsakaninmu da wani, jikinmu ba ya shiga ciki," in ji Inna Khamitova, "amma kasancewa tare yana nufin sauraron muryar wani, jin wari. shi, yana fahimtar motsin zuciyar da ba a faɗi ba kuma ku kasance cikin mahallin guda ɗaya.
Da wuya mu yi tunani game da gaskiyar cewa lokacin da muke cikin sarari na gama gari, muna gani da kuma fahimtar yanayin gama gari, wannan yana taimaka mana mu ƙara fahimtar juna.
Idan muka yi magana a kaikaice, to, “sararinmu na gama gari ya lalace,” in ji Mikhail Kryakhtunov, “Ba na ganin mai shiga tsakani ko kuma, idan Skype ce, alal misali, ina ganin fuska da sashin dakin kawai, amma ba na gani. t san abin da ke bayan kofa, nawa ne ke raba hankalin ɗayan, menene yanayin, ta ci gaba da magana ko kuma ta kashe sauri.
Ni kaina na dauki abin da ba ruwana da ni. Amma shi baya jin haka a tare dani.
Kwarewarmu ta yau da kullun a wannan lokacin ƙanana ne - muna da ƙaramin hulɗa, yankin hulɗar ilimin halin ɗan adam kaɗan ne. Idan muka ɗauki tattaunawa ta yau da kullun azaman 100%, to lokacin da muke sadarwa ta amfani da na'urori, 70-80% bace. Wannan ba zai zama matsala ba idan irin wannan sadarwar ba ta rikide zuwa mummunar dabi'a ba, wanda muke ɗauka zuwa sadarwar yau da kullum.
Yana da wuya a gare mu mu ci gaba da tuntuɓar.
Cikakken kasancewar wani kusa ba zai iya maye gurbinsa ta hanyar fasaha ba
Tabbas, mutane da yawa sun ga wannan hoton a wani wuri a cikin cafe: mutane biyu suna zaune a tebur ɗaya, kowannensu yana kallon na'urar su, ko watakila su da kansu sun kasance a cikin irin wannan yanayi. "Wannan ita ce ka'idar entropy: tsarin da ya fi rikitarwa ya rushe zuwa mafi sauƙi, yana da sauƙin ragewa fiye da haɓaka," in ji Gestalt therapist. - Don jin wani, dole ne ku rabu da kanku, kuma wannan yana buƙatar ƙoƙari, sannan na aika murmushi kawai. Amma emoticon ba ya warware batun shiga ba, mai magana yana da wani abu mai ban mamaki: da alama sun amsa da shi, amma ba a cika shi da wani abu ba. Cikakken kasancewar wani gefe da gefe ba zai iya maye gurbinsa ta hanyar fasaha ba.
Muna rasa ƙwarewar sadarwa mai zurfi, kuma dole ne a dawo da shi. Kuna iya farawa ta hanyar dawo da ikon ji, kodayake wannan ba shi da sauƙi.
Muna rayuwa ne a tsaka-tsakin tasirin tasiri da roko da yawa: yi shafinku, sanya like, sanya hannu kan roko, shiga, tafi… Kuma sannu a hankali muna haɓaka kurma da rigakafi a cikin kanmu - wannan shine kawai matakin kariya.
Neman ma'auni
Inna Khamitova ta ce: "Mun koyi rufe sararin samaniyarmu, amma zai kasance da amfani mu iya buɗe shi ma." "In ba haka ba, ba za mu sami ra'ayi ba. Kuma mu, alal misali, muna ci gaba da magana, ba karanta alamun cewa ɗayan ba ya shirye ya ji mu yanzu. Kuma mu kanmu muna fama da rashin kulawa”.
Mai haɓaka ka'idar tattaunawa, Martin Buber, ya yi imanin cewa babban abu a cikin tattaunawa shine ikon ji, ba a faɗi ba. Mikhail Kryakhtunov ya ce: "Muna bukatar mu ba wa sauran wuri wurin tattaunawa." Don a ji, dole ne mutum ya fara zama wanda ya ji. Ko da a cikin ilimin halin mutum, akwai lokacin da abokin ciniki, bayan ya yi magana, yana so ya san abin da ke faruwa tare da mai ilimin hanyoyin kwantar da hankali: "Yaya kake?" Yana da juna: idan ban saurare ku ba, ba za ku ji ni ba. Kuma akasin haka".
Ba batun magana bi da bi ba ne, amma game da la’akari da halin da ake ciki da daidaiton buƙatu. "Ba shi da ma'ana a yi aiki bisa ga samfur: Na sadu, Ina buƙatar raba wani abu," in ji Gestalt therapist. “Amma za ku ga abin da taronmu ya kunsa, yadda cudanya ke bunkasa. Kuma ku yi aiki bisa ga bukatun ku kawai, har ma da yanayi da tsarin.
Yana da dabi'a don son jin lafiya, ma'ana, kima, da jin alaƙa da duniya.
Dangantakar da ke tsakanina da dayan ta ta'allaka ne a kan inda zan ba shi, yadda yake canza tunanina da fahimtata. Amma a lokaci guda, ba mu taɓa sanin tabbas abin da wani zai yi tunanin yin amfani da kalmominmu a matsayin tushen aikin tunaninsa ba. Inna Khamitova ya yi nuni da cewa: "Irin yadda za a fahimce mu ya dogara da abubuwa da yawa: akan ikonmu na tsara sakon daidai, da hankalin wani, da kuma yadda muke fassara alamun da ke fitowa daga gare shi."
Na daya, domin ya san ana saurarensa, ya zama dole ya ga an kafe shi. Duban kurkusa abin kunya ga wani - amma yana taimakawa lokacin da suka yi sallama ko yin tambayoyi masu fayyace. "Kuna iya fara bayyana ra'ayin da ba a cika shi ba," Mikhail Kryakhtunov ya tabbata, "kuma idan mai shiga tsakani yana sha'awar mu, zai taimaka wajen inganta shi kuma ya tsara shi."
Amma idan sha'awar a ji shi ne kawai narcissism? "Bari mu bambanta tsakanin narcissism da son kai," in ji Mikhail Kryakhtunov. "Yana da dabi'a don son jin lafiya, ma'ana, kima, da kuma jin alaƙa da duniya." Domin son kai, wanda ke cikin narcissism, ya bayyana kansa kuma ya zama mai 'ya'ya, dole ne a tabbatar da shi daga waje ta wasu: don mu kasance masu ban sha'awa a gare shi. Kuma shi, bi da bi, zai zama da ban sha'awa a gare mu. Ba koyaushe yake faruwa ba kuma ba ya faruwa ga kowa. Amma idan akwai irin wannan daidaituwa a tsakaninmu, jin kusanci ya taso daga gare ta: za mu iya ture kanmu a gefe, muna barin ɗayan ya yi magana. Ko ka tambaye shi: za ka iya ji?