A cewar ƙamus, masana ilimin halayyar ɗan adam waɗanda ke aiki tare da ɗaruruwan abokan ciniki kuma suna nazarin rukunin gidaje da matsaloli da yawa sun san cewa kowa yana iya jin kishi, kuma ko da yake mafi yawan mutane suna son jin daɗin abin duniya, akwai waɗanda ke fuskantar wannan jin dangane da bayyanar wani. baiwa, rayuwa ta sirri har ma da halaye. Sai dai ko mene ne batun hassada, dabi'ar hassada ba ta haifar da wata fa'ida, gamsuwar dabi'a ko jin dadi. Bari mu dubi dalilin da yasa kishi ba kyau.
Masana ilimin halayyar dan adam, malaman addini, da talakawa sun yarda cewa hassada wani lamari ne mai halakarwa wanda ya kamata a cire shi daga rayuwar zamantakewa da tunani. Amma mashahuran tatsuniyoyi game da hassada da yaƙi da shi suna bayyana a cikin shahararrun kafofin watsa labarai da hirarraki da shahararrun mutane tare da daidaiton kishi. Tabbas kowannenmu a kalla sau daya ya ji wadannan tatsuniyoyi, da dama ma sun yi kokarin yi musu jagora wajen yakar miyagun dabi’unsu, amma sun kasa kawar da dabi’ar hassada. Bari mu dubi wadannan tatsuniyoyi.
Labari na #1: Akwai mummunan hassada da farin hassada mara lahani.
Adalci: babu hassada mara lahani, tunda wannan lamari a dukkan bayyanarsa yana da barna da cutarwa. Mutanen da suka ce suna kishin “fararen kishi” suna ƙoƙari ne kawai su kwantar da hankalinsu kuma su kawar da laifi. A cikin wannan hanyar, suna shawo kan kansu cewa suna hassada, amma ta hanyar kirki, don haka muguntarsu ba ta da lahani. Amma ya kamata ku fahimci cewa ainihin jin kunya saboda nasarar wani yana da illa ga jin daɗin rai da ruhin mai hassada. Komai kishi ne.
Labari #2: Hassada tana ingiza ci gaban kai da inganta kai.
Adalci: ci gaban mutum, komai kankantarsa, yana tafiya ne ta hanyar sha’awar ci gaba da girma a matsayin mutum, kuma kwarin gwiwa na gaskiya yana taimakawa wajen gane wannan sha’awar. Shi kuwa hassada abu ne mai halakarwa kwata-kwata, don haka mai hassada yana iya tawassuli da babbar murya yana jin haushin nasarar wasu na tsawon sa'o'i da kwanaki, amma ba zai dauki wani mataki don cimma wani abu ba. Kuma dalilin wannan abu ne mai sauki: don samun nasara, dole ne mutum ya jagoranci dukkan albarkatunsa (ciki har da hankali da tunani) zuwa tashar ingantacciya, kuma mai hassada yana cike da fushi da bacin rai, kuma kwakwalwa ta shagaltu. tunanin rashin adalcin rayuwa da sukar wani mutum da ya samu nasara.
Labari na # 4: Yin tunani game da fa'idodin ku da sanin cewa mai hassada ya fi mai hassada shi ne hanya mafi kyau don doke hassada.
Adalci: al'adar kwatanta kai da sauran mutane, a gaskiya, ba ta da kyau fiye da hassada, har ma fiye da haka - daga gare ta ne tushen wannan mummunan ya girma. Ta hanyar kwatanta kansa da wani da ƙoƙarin sanin fa'idarsa akansa, mai hassada kawai yana "ciyar da" hassada, domin maimakon ya rabu da shi, sai ya kwantar da hankali tare da taimakon girman kansa. A sakamakon haka, maimakon mutum ya kawar da hassada, ya kasance yana tabbatar wa kansa cewa a gaskiya shi ya fi wanda yake hassada kyau / wayo / kirki.
Labari na #5: Rage darajar abin hassada hanya ce mai sauƙi kuma mai inganci don kawar da baƙin ciki sakamakon nasarar wasu mutane.
Adalci: yawancin masana ilimin halayyar dan adam suna ba da shawara ga masu hassada suyi tunanin cewa hassada shine kawai "facade", "bayyanannun nasara na waje" wanda mai kishi ya sadaukar da wani abu mai mahimmanci. Tare da wannan tabbacin tushen ra'ayi ya sami kamanceceniya da wani abu kamar "kyakkyawan mutane ba su da hankali sosai", "mace da ke da kyakkyawan aiki mai biyan kuɗi ba ta jin daɗin rayuwarta", "duk masu arziki mutane ne marasa mutunci. ” kuma kayi hakuri. To amma wannan hanyar mu’amala da hassada ba ta da amfani kawai, har ma da cutarwa, domin ta hanyarsa mutum ya tsara kansa don tunani mara kyau. Ta hanyar raunana duk abin da ke haifar da hassada, mutum a kan matakin hankali yana ƙarfafa kansa cewa wadatar kayan duniya, kyakkyawa, aiki mai nasara ba shi da kyau kuma ba dole ba ne. A nan gaba, zai yi matukar wahala ga mai hassada ya yi nasara, kamar yadda mai hankali zai yi tsayayya da duk wani aiki mai kyau saboda zato na farko.
Tushen hassada ya ta’allaka ne a tsarin tantancewa da tsarin da kowa ke amfani da shi zuwa wani lokaci. A cikin yanayin lokacin da mutum, kwatanta kansa da sauran mutane, ya kimanta kansa "ƙananan", ya fara jin haushi da kishi, saboda a cikin hankali (ko a hankali) yana so ya zama "mafi girma" daga ra'ayi na tsarin tsarin kansa. . Kawar da hassada abu ne mai yuwuwa, amma saboda wannan mutum yana buƙatar canza ra'ayinsa na duniya gaba ɗaya da halayensa game da matsayin zamantakewa da matsayi na zamantakewa.
Hanya daya tilo da za a kawar da hassada ita ce dawo da girman kai kuma ana iya cimma wannan tare da shawarwari masu zuwa:
1. Iyakance tuntuɓar mutanen da suke son kushe ku da kuma sanya tunanin laifi. Kowane mutum yana da aƙalla aboki ɗaya wanda yake son koya wa kowa kuma ya gaya wa wasu dalilin da yasa suke yin kuskure. Haɗuwa da irin waɗannan mutane na iya haifar da ƙarancin girman kai, da laifi ga wasu don salon rayuwar ku na "ba daidai ba", kuma a sakamakon haka, hassada na ƙarin "daidai" mutane. Akwai hanyoyi da yawa don kawar da laifi, don haka kowane mutum zai iya kawar da sauri da sakamakon da ake yi da manipulators da masu sukar da kuma mayar da hankali.
2. Ka kawar da imani a cikin "duniya mai adalci." Dukkan imani da “adalcin duniya” yana cikin imani cewa ya kamata a saka wa dukan mutanen kirki ta hanyar manyan iko, kuma ya kamata a hukunta miyagu. Kuma, ba shakka, suna ɗaukar kansu "mai kyau." A gaskiya ma, ba za mu iya cewa duniya ba ta da adalci, amma a fili babu rarrabuwa zuwa “mai kyau da mara kyau” a cikinta, tun da babu lada ga “mai kyau”. Saboda haka, kana bukatar ka kawar da bangaskiya cikin "mafi girman shari'a" da wuri-wuri domin ka daina jiran kyautai daga sama kuma ka ɗauki ranka a hannunka.
3. Koyaushe yi wa mutane fatan alheri da farin ciki da nasarar wasu. Lokacin da kuka ji labarin nasarar wani, kuna buƙatar ƙoƙarin sanya kanku a wurinsa, kuyi tunanin farin cikinsa kuma ku ji motsin rai mai kyau. Wannan motsa jiki mai sauƙi zai taimake ka ba kawai ka shawo kan kishi ba, amma har ma ka zama mutum marar son kai, kamar yadda yake inganta tausayi da tausayi. Kuma, ba shakka, ya kamata a tuna cewa irin wannan hanyar zuwa ga mai tausayi zai taimaka wajen kula da dukan mutane daidai, kuma ba zato ga kowa ba.
4. Ƙayyade maƙasudinku na gaskiya da sha'awar ku. “Kowa yana da nasa farin ciki,” in ji masu hikima, kuma masana ilimin halayyar ɗan adam sun yarda da su. A gaskiya ma, yawancin mu ba ma buƙatar mota mai kayatarwa, babban samfurin ƙira, ko digiri na gaba. Sanin abin da ya ƙunshi “farin ciki na mutum” ne zai taimaka wajen daina hassada ga mutanen da suka yi nasara a wani yanki ko kuma wani yanki. Don haka, hanya mafi kyau don kawar da al'ada ta har abada ta kwatanta kanku da wasu da kuma hassada mafi yawan mutane masu nasara shine fahimtar abin da ke kawo muku ni'ima da ainihin abin da kuke son yi.
5. Ka yi la'akari da cewa kowane mutum yana da nasa salon rayuwarsa, kuma nasara da rashin nasara sune sakamakon zabin da ya yi a hanya. Babu hukunce-hukunce guda biyu, domin kowannenmu a kowace rana yana yin zaɓi ɗaya ko wata, wanda a nan gaba zai haifar da wasu sakamako. Wani ya yanke shawarar sadaukar da kansa ga iyalinsa, wani yana ɓata yawancin rayuwarsa, wani yana yin kasada kuma ya fara sababbin ayyuka, kuma wani ya fi son rayuwa mai natsuwa da kwanciyar hankali. Duk abin da ke cikin rayuwar mutum sakamakon yanke shawara ne da ayyukansa, kuma hassada ba ta da ma'ana, domin babu wata fa'ida ga mutane daga sama. Don haka maimakon kishin abokin da ya fi nasara, ku yi tunani a kan zaɓin da kuke bukata don ku sami nasara da farin ciki da kanku.