11 Nau'o'in Neman gafarar Gaskiya

"Nadama na gaske da neman gafara na iya maido da amana da aka rasa, da sanya raunata a zuciya da kuma maido da dangantaka," in ji masanin ilimin iyali Dan Newhart. "Amma rashin gaskiya kawai yana ƙara rashin jituwa." Ya bayyana irin wannan uzuri guda 11.

1. "Yi hakuri idan..."

Irin wannan uzuri yana da lahani, saboda mutumin ba ya ɗaukar cikakken alhakin maganganunsa da ayyukansa, amma kawai "yana ɗauka" cewa wani abu "zai iya faruwa".

misalai:

• "Kiyi hakuri idan nayi kuskure."
• "Kiyi hakuri idan hakan ya bata miki rai."

2. "To, kayi hakuri idan ka..."

Waɗannan kalmomi suna ƙaura laifin akan wanda aka azabtar. Ba uzuri bane ko kadan.

• "To kiyi hakuri idan kin ji haushi."
• "To kiyi hakuri idan kina tunanin nayi kuskure."
• "To kayi hakuri idan kaji dadi sosai."

3. "Yi hakuri, amma..."

Irin wannan uzuri tare da ajiyar zuciya ba zai iya warkar da raunin da ya faru ba.

• "Yi hakuri, amma wasu a wurin ku ba za su mayar da martani da tashin hankali ba."
• "Yi hakuri, ko da yake da yawa za su ga abin dariya."
• "Yi hakuri, ko da yake kai (a) ka fara (a)."
• "Yi hakuri, na kasa taimaka."
• "Yi hakuri, ko da yake na yi wani bangare na dama."
• "To, yi hakuri ban cika cika ba."

4. "Ni kawai..."

Wannan uzuri ne na son kai. Mutumin ya yi iƙirarin cewa abin da suka yi don cutar da ku hakika ba shi da lahani ko barata.

• "Eh, wasa nake kawai."
• "Ina so in taimaka."
• "Ina so in sake tabbatar muku."
• "Ina so in nuna muku wani ra'ayi na daban."

5. "Na riga na yi hakuri"

Mutumin ya raina uzurinsu ta hanyar bayyana cewa ba lallai ba ne.

• "Na riga na ba da hakuri."
• "Na riga na nemi afuwar sau miliyan akan hakan."

6. "Yi hakuri da hakan..."

Mai shiga tsakani ya yi kokarin kawar da nadama a matsayin uzuri, alhalin baya karbar alhaki.

• "Kiyi hakuri kin damu."
• "Ku yi hakuri da an tafka kurakurai."

7. "Na fahimci hakan..."

Yana ƙoƙari ya rage ma'anar aikinsa kuma ya ba da kansa ta hanyar rashin karɓar alhakin zafin da ya sa ku.

• "Na san bai kamata in yi haka ba."
• "Nasan yakamata in fara tambayarki."
• "Na fahimci cewa wani lokaci nakan zama kamar giwa a cikin kantin china."

Da kuma wani iri-iri: "Ka san cewa ni..."

Yana yunƙurin yi kamar babu abin da zai ba ka uzuri kuma kada ka ji haushi.

• "Kin san na yi hakuri."
• "Kin san ba da gaske nake nufi ba."
• "Kin san ba zan taɓa cutar da ku ba."

8. "Yi hakuri idan kun..."

A wannan yanayin, mai laifin yana buƙatar ku "biya" wani abu don uzurinsa.

• "Kiyi hakuri idan kinyi hakuri."
• "Ina neman afuwar idan kun yi alkawarin ba za ku sake kawo wannan batun ba."

9. "Wataƙila..."

Wannan alamar uzuri ce kawai, wanda a zahiri ba haka bane.

• "Watakila na bashi uzuri."

10. “[Wani] ya ce mini in nemi gafarar ka.

Wannan uzuri ne na "baƙin waje". Wanda ya aikata laifin ya nemi afuwar ne kawai don an tambaye shi, in ba haka ba da da wuya ya yi.

• "Mahaifiyarki tace in baki hakuri."
• "Wani abokina yace na bashi uzuri."

11. “Ok! Yi hakuri! Na gamsu?"

Wannan "neman afuwa" yayi kama da barazana a cikin sautin sa.

• “Eh, ya isa! Na riga na ba da hakuri!”
• “Kada ku hana ni! Na yi hakuri!”

ME YA KAMATA CIKAKKEN Uzuri YA KAMATA?

Idan mutum ya nemi gafara da gaske, sai ya ce:

• ba ya sanya wani sharadi kuma baya ƙoƙarin rage mahimmancin abin da ya faru;
• a fili ya nuna cewa ya fahimci yadda kuke ji kuma yana kula da ku;
• da gaske tuba;
• yayi alkawarin cewa hakan ba zai sake faruwa ba;
• idan ya dace, tayi don ko ta yaya gyara barnar da aka yi.

“Kowane uzuri ba shi da ma’ana idan ba mu shirya mu saurari wanda abin ya shafa ba kuma mu fahimci radadin da suka jawo,” in ji wani likitan ilimin halin dan Adam Harriet Lerner. "Dole ne ya ga cewa da gaske mun fahimci wannan, cewa tausayinmu da tubanmu na gaskiya ne, ciwonsa da bacin rai halal ne, a shirye muke mu yi duk mai yiwuwa don kada abin da ya faru ya sake faruwa." Me ya sa mutane da yawa suke ƙoƙari su rabu da uzuri na gaske? Wataƙila suna jin kamar ba su yi wani abu ba daidai ba kuma suna ƙoƙarin kiyaye kwanciyar hankali a cikin dangantakar. Wataƙila suna jin kunya kuma suna ƙoƙarin guje wa waɗannan abubuwan da ba su da daɗi.

Dan Newhart ya ce: “Idan kusan mutum bai taɓa ba da uzuri ba don kurakuransa da rashin da’a da ya yi, zai iya rage jin tausayinsa, ko kuma yana fama da rashin girman kai ko kuma rashin ɗabi’a,” in ji Dan Newhart. Ko yana da daraja ci gaba da sadarwa tare da irin wannan mutumin shine batun tattaunawa daban.

Game da Mawallafi: Dan Newhart likitancin iyali ne.