Marubuta, mawaƙa, daraktoci sukan zana hotunan ƙauna mai kyau. Muna so mu yarda cewa haka lamarin yake. Watarana wani kyakkyawan basarake zai zo ya kai mu wata masarauta. Amma labaran soyayya daga littattafai ba su da alaƙa da rayuwa ta gaske.
Tun ina karama, ina son fina-finai da littattafai na soyayya. Na girma da kyawawan ra'ayoyi game da soyayya. Maza masu ladabi da kyawawan mata sun yi rawa a ƙarƙashin hasken wata kuma suna cin abinci da hasken kyandir don kiɗan kai tsaye. Mutanen sarakuna ne waɗanda suka hau doki masu kyan gani kuma suka ceci kyawawan mata. Sumbatu masu daɗi, raye-raye masu ban sha'awa, lokutan taushi, ayyukan soyayya - a cikin tunanina, ƙauna tana da kyau.
Sai na girma, nayi aure na gane cewa soyayya ba haka take ba. Kar ku fahimce ni. Ina son mijina. Ina tsammanin muna da kyakkyawar rayuwa. Muna farin ciki kuma har yanzu muna soyayya da juna, kamar yadda a halin yanzu mun hadu a wani darasi na zane a aji na bakwai. Mun girma kuma muka girma tare. Mun zama tawaga ta gaske. Na yi imani da soyayya.
Amma duk da wannan, ban yarda cewa soyayya tana da kyau ba. Soyayya ta gaskiya ba haka take ba. Bayan shekara biyar da aure, na gane cewa soyayya ta gaskiya ba ta cika kamala ba, kamar a wannan hoton. Akwai lokuta tare da hotuna masu banƙyama: hotuna na tafiye-tafiye masu ban sha'awa da liyafar soyayya da 'yan mata suka buga a kan Instagram (kungiyar masu tsattsauran ra'ayi da aka dakatar a Rasha). Wani lokaci muna karɓar kyawawan bouquets kuma muna nazarin sararin samaniya tare da ƙaunataccenmu.
Amma irin waɗannan lokutan sun kasance banda banda. Duk sauran lokutan soyayya ba ta da kyau
Bata ma kusanceta da kyau. Soyayya ta gaskiya, wacce ke kiyaye aure da rayuwa tare, ba ta dace ba har ma da kyama. Wannan wani tarin gwaji ne, da matsaloli da yanke kauna, yunƙurin da mutane biyu suka yi na yin tuƙi a hanya ɗaya, duk da mabanbantan ra'ayi da imani.
Wannan shine fahimtar gaskiyar: cake ɗin bikin aure ba zai daɗe ba, halo na hutun amarci da fashewar shamfu za su watse da sauri. A wurin jin dadi yana zuwa rayuwa ta gaske, a maimakon son rai da soyayya - damuwa ta duniya
Soyayyar gaskiya abin banƙyama ce akan ƴan uwa, kuɗi, da zubewar soda a firji. Wannan shine don tsaftace sakamakon toshewar magudanar ruwa da amai akan kafet. Yi watsi da tarwatsa safa da kofuna na kofi mara komai da aka bari a ko'ina cikin ɗakin.
Soyayya ita ce rawa a cikin kicin, ba tare da kula da tsaunukan dattin dattin da ke cikin kwandon shara ba da kamshin shara da ya kamata a fitar da su tuntuni, yana ta kuka a kafadarsa da kwararowar kwararo da gawa.
Ƙauna ita ce a tallafa wa juna lokacin da rayuwa ta aika da mummunan gwaji kuma babu ƙarfin nuna murmushi
Yana da lokacin da ya tuna a cikin babban kanti cewa kana son orange tick-tock, uploads kuka fi so song zuwa iTunes. Ƙauna ita ce ganin juna a cikin mafi wuya da rashin son kai kuma duk da cewa: "Ni a can, zan kasance tare da ku koyaushe."
Ƙauna ba cikakke gashi da kayan shafa ba, furanni masu ban mamaki da abincin dare na soyayya kowace rana. Ƙauna ba tafiya ce mai ban sha'awa ba a cikin filin daisies a faɗuwar rana. Ƙauna tana da wahala, mai zafi da ban tsoro. Ya ƙunshi sassan da ba za ku nuna wa wasu ba. Ƙauna ita ce shakka, husuma, husuma da yanke hukunci mai wuyar gaske.
Ƙauna ba ta da kyau, amma wannan ya sa ta zama daya daga cikin mafi hadaddun da mahimmanci al'amura. Muna biye da ita a kan rashin daidaito, muna tafiya a gefen kuma muna yin kasada. Mukan yarda da mummuna tare da mai kyau, domin muna da ƙarfi sosai ga wannan mutumin.
Ba za a yi ciniki da wahala ba, soyayya mai tsauri don cikakkiyar sigar ta. Ko da lokacin da muke da wuya da tsoro, muna samun hanyar yin murmushi da ganin kyau a cikin lokuta mafi wuya. Wannan shine karfin soyayya.
Game da Mawallafi: Lindsey Detweiler marubuci ne na soyayya.