Kowane mutum yana da ra'ayoyi game da abin da abokin tarayya mai kyau ya kamata ya zama. Kuma muna ci gaba da sukar zaɓaɓɓen, muna ƙoƙarin daidaita shi da mizananmu. Muna jin kamar muna aiki da kyakkyawar niyya. Masanin ilimin likitanci Todd Kashdan ya yi imanin cewa irin wannan hali yana lalata dangantaka ne kawai.
Oscar Wilde ya taɓa cewa, "Kyau yana cikin idon mai kallo." Malamai kamar sun yarda da shi. Aƙalla idan ana maganar alaƙar soyayya. Bugu da ƙari, ra'ayinmu game da abokin tarayya da kuma yadda muke kallon dangantaka yana rinjayar yadda za su bunkasa.
Masana ilimin halayyar dan adam daga Jami'ar George Mason a Amurka sun yanke shawarar gano yadda kimanta cancantar abokin tarayya ke shafar dangantaka a cikin dogon lokaci. Sun gayyaci ma'aurata 159 da suka yi jima'i kuma suka raba su gida biyu: na farko dalibai ne, na biyu kuma manyan ma'aurata ne. Farfesa Todd Kashdan ne ya jagoranci binciken.
Abvantbuwan amfãni da rashin amfani
An tambayi mahalarta su zaɓi halayen halayensu guda uku mafi ƙarfi kowannensu kuma suna suna mara kyau "sakamakon sakamako" na waɗannan halayen. Alal misali, kina jin daɗin ƙwaƙƙwaran ƙirƙira na mijinki, amma ƙwarewar ƙungiyarsa ta bar abin da ake so.
Sa'an nan kuma ƙungiyoyin biyu sun amsa tambayoyi game da matakin kusancin tunanin juna a cikin ma'aurata, gamsuwar jima'i, da kuma tantance yadda suke farin ciki a cikin waɗannan dangantaka.
Waɗanda suke daraja ƙarfin abokin zamansu sun fi gamsuwa da alaƙa da rayuwar jima'i. Sau da yawa suna jin cewa abokin tarayya yana goyan bayan sha'awar su da burinsu kuma yana taimakawa ci gaban kansu.
Mutanen da suka fi maida hankali kan gazawar abokin zamansu ba sa jin goyon bayansa
Bugu da ƙari, waɗanda suke da daraja ɗabi'ar ɗayan sun fi sadaukarwa, suna jin kusancin tunani a cikin ma'aurata, kuma suna ba da ƙarin kuzari ga jin daɗin rayuwa gaba ɗaya. Koyon jin daɗin ƙarfin mijinku yana taimakawa haɓaka dangantaka mai kyau. Irin waɗannan abokan tarayya suna daraja nasu kyawawan halaye.
Wata tambayar kuma ita ce ta yaya dabi’ar abokan zamanta ta bangaren kyawawan halaye na ma’aurata ke shafar jin dadin ma’aurata. Bayan haka, alal misali, yana da wuya ga yarinya mai kirki don kiyaye tsari a cikin ɗakin, kuma miji mai kirki da karimci ya kasance a cikin kullun.
Sai ya zama cewa mutanen da suka fi mai da hankali ga gazawar abokin tarayya ba su iya samun goyon baya daga gare shi. Daliban da suka shiga cikin binciken sun yarda cewa ba su ji daɗin dangantakar da kuma halayen abokin tarayya wanda ba kasafai suke nuna soyayya ko sukar su akai-akai ba. Mahalarta taron sun koka game da rashin kusanci da kuma rashin gamsuwa da rayuwarsu ta jima'i.
Ƙarfin ra'ayi
Wani ƙarshe na masu bincike: ra'ayin daya abokin tarayya game da dangantaka yana rinjayar hukuncin na biyu. Lokacin da na farko ya yaba da ƙarfin wani ko kuma ya rage damuwa saboda kasawarsa, na biyu yakan lura da goyon bayan masoyi.
"Hanyoyin abokan hulɗa game da juna suna haifar da gaskiyar da suke da shi a cikin dangantaka," in ji jagoran binciken Todd Kashdan. "Mutane suna canza hali dangane da abin da ake kima da kuma gane su a cikin dangantaka da abin da ba haka ba. Mutane biyu a cikin wani romantic jam'iyya halitta nasu al'amuran: yadda za a nuna hali, yadda ba hali, da kuma abin da ya dace da ma'aurata.
Ikon yaba juna shine mabuɗin samun kyakkyawar dangantaka. Lokacin da muka daraja ƙarfin abokan hulɗarmu, mu sanar da su game da shi, kuma muka ba su damar yin amfani da waɗannan ƙarfin, muna taimaka wa ƙaunataccen su gane yuwuwarsu. Yana taimaka mana mu inganta kuma mu haɓaka tare. Mun yi imani cewa za mu iya jimre wa matsaloli da canje-canje a rayuwa.
Game da Gwani: Todd Kashdan masanin ilimin halayyar dan adam ne a Jami'ar George Mason.