Soyayya ce ta soyayya wacce tafi karfin hankali. Irin wannan halin ya yaɗu a al’adunmu, amma an yi auratayya da aka shirya cikin lokaci, kuma wasu sun yi nasara sosai. Masanin tarihin Ba’amurke Lawrence Samuel yayi cikakken nazari akan ra'ayoyi biyu akan wannan tambaya ta har abada.
Tsawon ƙarnuka da yawa, ɗaya daga cikin manyan gaibu na ɗan adam ita ce ƙauna. Bayyanar wannan ji ana kiransa baiwar Allah ko tsinuwa, kuma littafai da wakoki da rubuce-rubucen falsafa marasa adadi sun sadaukar dasu. Sai dai a cewar masanin tarihi Lawrence Samuel, a farkon wannan karnin, kimiyya ta ba da hujjoji da dama da ke nuna cewa soyayya ita ce aikin halitta, kuma guguwar motsin rai a cikin kwakwalwar dan Adam na faruwa ne sakamakon hadaddiyar giyar sinadari mai karfi da ke tare da ita.
Ka yi soyayya da son zuciyarka
A shekara ta 2002, masanin ilimin halayyar dan adam dan kasar Amurka Robert Epstein ya wallafa wata kasida da ta haifar da zage-zage. Ya sanar da cewa yana neman macen da zasu iya soyayya da juna cikin wani lokaci. Manufar wannan gwaji ita ce amsa tambayar ko mutane biyu za su iya koyon son juna da gangan. Wannan ba wani abin talla ba ne, in ji Epstein, amma babban ƙalubale ne ga tatsuniyar cewa kowa ya kaddara ya yi soyayya da mutum ɗaya kawai, wanda za su yi rayuwa tare da shi cikin jin daɗi na aure.
Maimakon aminta da kaddara, Epstein ya ɗauki hanyar kimiyya don neman soyayya kuma ya zama alade na gwaji da kansa. An bayyana wata gasa wadda mata da dama suka halarta. Tare da wanda ya yi nasara, Epstein ya shirya tafiya kwanan rana, halartar shawarwarin soyayya da dangantaka, sannan rubuta littafi tare game da gogewa.
Yawancin waɗanda suka san shi, ciki har da mahaifiyarsa, sun shirya don tunanin cewa masanin kimiyyar da ake girmamawa tare da digiri na uku daga Harvard ya yi hauka. Koyaya, dangane da wannan sabon aikin, Epstein ya kasance mai tsanani.
Hankali vs ji
Jama'a masu tunani suna cike da tattaunawa game da ƙalubalen Epstein ga ainihin ra'ayin cewa ƙauna ba zaɓin mutum ba ne, amma wani abu ne da ke faruwa da shi ba tare da son ransa ba. Kalmar “faɗuwa cikin ƙauna” a zahiri tana nufin “faɗa cikin ƙauna”, don haka ra’ayin yana nunawa a cikin harshe. Hanya mai hankali da dabara don gano abin da ke cikin wannan ji ya saba wa ra'ayin cewa ainihin ilhami shine kawai mu bar yanayi kawai ta yi abinta.
Bayan ɗan lokaci, an shirya tattaunawa game da aikin Epstein mai ban sha'awa a taron Smart Marriages. "Shin wannan tsantsar bidi'a ce, ko kuwa ra'ayi ne da zai iya canza fahimtarmu na yanzu na yadda soyayya ke aiki?" ya tambayi mai gudanarwa Jan Levin, masanin ilimin halayyar dan adam kuma kwararre kan dangantaka.
Shekara guda bayan da aka buga na rigima labarin, Epstein har yanzu na da ra'ayin cewa American «ƙaunar dabara» ba sosai nasara. Ba sai mun yi nisa ga misalai ba. Yawancin auren da ba su yi nasara ba sun kasance hujja a gare shi cewa ra'ayin "neman abokin aure don rayuwa cikin farin ciki har abada" ya kasance kyakkyawar tatsuniya mai kyau amma ta yaudara.
Fiye da kashi 50% na auratayya a duniya ana shirya su kuma suna daɗe fiye da na Amurkawa
Levin ya gamsu da cewa ba zai yiwu ba sosai don juya ji cikin aiki a cikin wannan yanayin, kuma ya yi adawa da Epstein: "Ƙauna ba ta daɗe ba, ba za a iya tayar da ita ba."
Duk da haka, wani mai gabatar da kara, John Gray, marubucin fitaccen mai sayar da kayayyaki a duniya Maza daga Mars ne, Mata daga Venus, ya yi imanin cewa Epstein yana da wani abu mai mahimmanci a zuciyarsa kuma ya kamata a yaba masa don gudunmawar da ya bayar ga kimiyya. "Muna dogara da tatsuniyoyi na soyayya maimakon dabarun dangantaka da ke sa aure ya zama haɗin gwiwa mai amfani," in ji guru dangantakar.
Wani ɗan takara ya goyi bayansa tare da sunan "magana" Pat Love. Ƙauna ta yarda cewa ra'ayin Epstein yana da ma'ana, idan aka yi la'akari da cewa fiye da kashi 50% na auren duniya ana shirya su kuma, a matsakaici, suna dadewa fiye da Amurkawa. "Rabin duniya yana tunanin ya kamata ku yi aure tukuna sannan kuyi soyayya," in ji ta. A ra'ayinta, aikace-aikacen da ke tare da tausayi na iya zama tushen tasiri ga ci gaban jin daɗin soyayya na dogon lokaci.
Me ke sa zuciya ta natsu?
To shin gwajin ƙarfin hali na Epstein yayi nasara? Maimakon eh, in ji ɗan tarihi Lawrence Samuel. Babu wani amsa sama da 1000 da masanin kimiyyar ya samu daga masu karatu da ya motsa shi ya ci gaba da dangantakarsa da su. Wataƙila, wannan zaɓi na neman abokin tarayya ba shine mafi nasara ba.
A ƙarshe, Epstein ya sadu da matar, amma ta hanyar haɗari, a cikin jirgin sama. Ko da yake ta amince ta shiga gwajin, abubuwa sun daure da yanayi: ta zauna a Venezuela tare da ’ya’yan da suka yi aure a baya waɗanda ba sa son barin ƙasar.
Ba yarda da shan kashi ba, Epstein ya shirya don gwada ra'ayinsa akan ma'aurata da yawa kuma, idan sakamakon ya kasance tabbatacce, haɓaka shirye-shirye don dangantaka dangane da "tsarin" ƙauna. Bisa ga tabbataccen imaninsa, zabar ma'aurata cikin tsantsar sha'awa iri ɗaya ne da "yin buguwa da auren wani a Las Vegas." Lokaci ya yi da za a dawo da tsohuwar al'adar shirya aure, in ji Epstein.